Sundays draw..

I decided today to just pull a single card. I think I get caught up in the complexity of a CI and lots of cards that I need to go back to just one energy at a time.

Today its the Knight of Wands MI so hes kneeling, looking forward.

A few days now Ive had The Challenge with the Heart of Faery and today I have the Knight of Wands, daring me, asking me to just please do something wild. I keep having this urge to paint, draw, sketch etc and I just think 'your awful at drawing and all that stuff so why bother'. Yet the last 2 times I've sketched or drawn (one I was told to by an angel, another time I was asked to draw an angel I knew by a 6 year old) I have felt really satisfied and like i've achieved something, a barrier gone through.

I have had thoughts about buying some pastels or something to put colour into my sketches or something... but.. well, I always feel there is a but and the Challenge and the Knight of Wands is saying, theres no excuses just bloody do it.

Its just.. im not an artistic person. Im not going to create something beautiful, amazing, spellbinding that makes the world go WOW. It'll be crap..

ARGH. So maybe the challenge isnt just the doing, its removing that mental block of 'cant do' to 'can do'. Like I dont want to accept the challenge the 'i'll be crap' is a whitewash of an excuse to just not even try, thinking i'll save myself the disappointment.. yet Ive been having this urge for days now and I keep pushing it to one side (under the carpet) yet its still here, still in my head, pondering around.

ARGH......
not easy!